This morning, MFH and I went to talk to the rabbi who is marrying us in a few month. Of course, it took us like half our meeting to fight over when exactly we met, broke up, got back together, etc you get it. He then told us about how Jews carry diseases in their genes - most likely because of those fucking Nazis. Leave it to the Jews to come up with an exact list of diseases called “maple syrup” which one out of a gazillion people have. All the other people have things like “aids” and “cancer”. Now I remember why I only go to Jewish doctors now.

In our next meeting, we will be going over Jewish ceremony traditions. I don’t like homework, but I am obsessed with researching everything and loathe surprises so naturally, I came back to work and googled “Jewish ceremony traditions”. Here’s what I learned:

1.  We need a “chuppah”: a symbol of the home that we will build together. It is open on all sides, just as Abraham and Sarah had their tent open all sides to welcome people in unconditional hospitality. When was the last time someone even met an “Abraham”? When was the last time a Jew (other than my step dad) built something? Oh ya - this is already reallllly authentic.

2. Wine is a symbol of joy in Jewish tradition. This explains SO much.

3. A glass is placed on the floor, and the groom shatters it with his foot. This serves as an expression of sadness at the destruction. Jesus - someone needs another glass of wine. I guess it’s only fair he gets one more chance to put his foot down before getting married though right?

4. The couple is then escorted to a private room and left alone for a few minutes. Yep, it apparently only takes Jewish men a few minutes. What am I getting myself into?

5. On this day all their past mistakes are forgiven as they merge into a new, complete soul. Not to be cheesy, but I love this. I will take whatever forgiveness I can get!

Total side note: We have no details of our wedding like - we don’t have a DJ, florist, planner, menu, etc - but MFH has researched ties for the last week. I hope that tie has a roof and 2 bedrooms with a walk in closet.